Covert Psychological Abuse: Control, Manipulation, and Hidden Harm

In this blog post, I would like to offer information and guidance on how to recognize hidden abuse — when there are no open slaps, no blue, green, or purple bruises on the body — only the soul takes the blows.

Abuse is not always loud or obvious. Often, the most damaging forms are covert, subtle, and psychological, slowly eroding self-esteem, autonomy, and trust. Recognizing these dynamics is the first step toward healing, whether they occur at work, in romantic relationships, friendships, or within families.

Workplace Abuse: Subtle Manipulation and Control

Psychological abuse at work can be hard to identify because it often hides behind "professionalism."

Common signs:

• Withholding or distorting information to maintain control
• Passive-aggressive criticism or undermining
• Favoritism or exclusion
• Micromanagement

Victims may experience chronic stress, anxiety, burnout, and a sense of invisibility. Integrative body-psychotherapy can help identify the physical and emotional tension that accumulates in such environments and teach strategies to restore autonomy and resilience.

Case example: Anna works at a multinational company. Her manager frequently provides her with late or incomplete information, then criticizes her performance while favoring other colleagues. Anna feels tense, exhausted, and increasingly doubting her abilities.

Romantic Relationships: Hidden Emotional Harm

In intimate partnerships, covert abuse can appear as:

• Emotional manipulation: guilt-tripping, subtle coercion
• Isolation: limiting social support or independence
• Criticism disguised as "advice" or "concern"
• Shifting blame or denying responsibility

Even without overt violence, these behaviors can create deep emotional trauma, leading to anxiety, depression, and difficulty trusting oneself. Therapy supports recognition of these patterns, emotional processing, and boundary-setting, while addressing the embodied stress that accumulates in your body.

Case example: Peter and Julia are in a relationship. Peter constantly finds excuses to prevent Julia from seeing her friends. Julia begins to feel guilty whenever she makes independent choices and gradually loses confidence in her own judgment.

Abusive Dynamics in Friendships

Friendship abuse is often overlooked. Covert tactics include:

• Consistently dismissing your feelings
• Passive-aggressive competition or undermining
• Conditional support based on compliance

These patterns can erode confidence and leave you feeling isolated or invalidated. Therapy helps tune into your body's signals, such as tension or gut discomfort, which can alert you to these subtle dynamics.

Case example: Lilla and Zoe have been friends for years. Zoe often dismisses Lilla's ideas under the guise of joking, but in reality, she wants to control decisions. Lilla increasingly feels uncertain and stressed.

Covert Psychologically Abusive Parents

Children may experience subtle but consistent psychological abuse, which can have long-term effects:

• Conditional love: affection only given when expectations are met
• Emotional neglect or indifference
• Manipulation through guilt or shame
• Undermining independence or self-expression

Even subtle, consistent patterns can profoundly impact self-worth and relational habits in adulthood. Integrative body-psychotherapy works with both embodied trauma and emotional processing, helping survivors reclaim agency and self-compassion.

Case example: As a child, Thomas's mother always criticized his choices and only showed affection when he met her expectations. As an adult, Thomas struggles with self-trust and confidence, constantly feeling the need to prove himself.